I used to be a music snob. I prided myself on knowing songs first and made it obvious to my friends.
“Oh, you just heard that song.”
“I’ve been on this artist.”
Those were some lines I’d say when others around me were finding out about a specific song or artist that I’d been on. My sister used to hate it, but I loved boasting about knowing music before others did. Back then this obligation was spurred by wanting to be the first to know.
Then I started writing. As you’ve figured, writing about music, rap, in particular, came naturally. If I wasn’t listening to it, I was dissecting an album in my mind, evaluating the meaning of a song with a friend, or complaining about the context of some rapper’s movements. Being “in the know” with the genre from songs to the culture was essential for me to be a knowledgeable writer. However I’ve stopped listening to rap like before, and I’m not as OCD about finding new music like I used to be.
My written critique of it has dwindled as well. Most of that has to with my lack of interest in the content out there. My writing interests are shifting. If I don’t want to listen to it, then I don’t want to write about it. In all honesty, I’ve always wanted to write about others topics and the urge is sparking even more now.
I still am a music snob, my superciliousness has remained but for different reasons. I’ve been more affixed on independent, unknown artists, and alternative genres a lot more and I like to keep all my musical findings to myself. I went from being incessant on needing to know the latest tracks to instead discovering ones most people wouldn’t know. From boastful to secretive. Although my intention was driven by not liking what I heard, it was followed by wanting to be separate and feeling superior because of my taste. That’s the ultimate snobbish trait.
But as my listening experience changed, so did my intention.
For a while, I was listening and not genuinely connecting to the music. I’ll go through numerous songs a day and pass from one to the other without sinking into the depths of a songs meaning. Sure there were many moments of contemplation. I wouldn’t have come across my favorite artists if I wasn’t vibing, however much of it was an inattentive process. Music has always been a means of escapism, but the gravity of my listening has come with experience. The tunes I play daily are intertwined to my wellbeing and have meaning to my life.
Listening for me in recent years has been sacred. Feeling deeply through music is one of the highest forms of being in tune with myself. How the words, beat, and flow of a particular song can make me present in a moment is indescribable. What I listen to at a specific time depends on who I am in that moment or who I want to be. Connecting like this is truly being in a zone.
Music is personal. Yes, it is also social, some songs are created entirely for the aspect of shared experiences. However, the type of experience I’m referring to is the moments of solace where all that consumes you is a melody. No one browsing through my iTunes library can make sense of what they see but me. This is why sharing can be risky.
I actually don’t tell just anyone what my favorite songs of the moment are. Sharing music is an intimate interaction. It’s revealing as much as it is nerve-racking. I’ve opened up a part of myself to you. The songs I’m listening to at a current period are a reflection of my mood, personality, interest, and experience. It’s personal to share because I’m telling you how I feel through the music. If a song is close to me, it isn’t just a song anymore. Me sharing it with you this not only tells you something about me but also how I view you.
I often contemplate the decision to show this part of myself. Is exposing my cherished playlist worth it? Will the song effect this person like it does me? Will they understand? One thing I’ve learned is that it’s cool if they don’t. This then tells me about you.
Here are a few artists I’m listening to. Its a mix of old goodies and 2018 discoveries. I was going to write a short description for each but I’d let the music speak for itself:
I kept the list short. There will always be songs I’ll save for myself. If I’ve ever shared music with you before, you’re welcome.
-C