This is not a self-help post
One of my favorite podcasts is The Alex Wolf Podcast. The intertwining of tech, culture, and philosophy unpacks a central theme of the role technology plays in modern life. In last week’s episode, she talks about the definitions of space according to Western theory and understanding it as an immeasurable concept. It made me think about how we use space.
Phrases like Take up space or Hold space float around a lot online or in conversation. These are catchy buzzwords that roll off the tongue without context or substance even. The overused terms on social media sound more like forced advice or an advertisement than a statement to uplift.
Words hold value. Sometimes I feel that we forget about the weight of what we say, even if it is well-intended. When someone is doing good and telling their sis to take up space, I think about the intent. Do they want the other person to do as well as them, or are they projecting their success? It’s easy to provide lip service in abstract jargon on social media rather than place meaning behind what’s said. While it could be self-explanatory to most, these phrases could mean differently from one person to another. We must respect that.
Naturally, we relate to holding or taking up space with physical space: this can be how we command a room full of strangers, speak up throughout our career, or asserting a power pose. Having the confidence to take a stance physically assumes coming from the defense. “Don’t be afraid” or “you deserve it” acts as a preface because the very places we want to take up space in are ruled by class, gender, and race systems. The only way our voice is heard or our seat at the table secured is if we fight for it.
When I hear these terms, I immediately think about hustle culture, the idea of always being expected to perform. One point Alex talks about in the episode is the idea of ‘nothingness’ or ‘negative space,’ when we have too much of it, we automatically have to fill it with something. Spending the day binging on Netflix, day drinking in the sun or sleeping in is a no-no. The only way we feel good about doing nothing is for the sake of self-care. We have to catchphrase it. If not, we are just lazy.
Self-care is one way we hold space for ourselves but also another curated discourse. The wellness industry says to improve ourselves, we have to buy into it with an expensive skincare routine, candles, green smoothies, or regular spa days. The attachment to self-indulgence is because consumerism is skillfully webbed to care. Brands market products as tools to enhance our emotional or spiritual health, and we eat it up. I’m guilty of this. I was “treating myself” to weekly yoga classes for months after just finishing university. Stressed out and needing a way to release and relax, I was more attached to the yogi aesthetic more so than the actual practice. I was also broke and could have done yoga on YouTube.
Care is not a guilty pleasure. It is set with intention. Finding meaning in how we create or hold space should not be complicated. For me, this looks like setting boundaries, slowing down, listening to my body, or sitting with my thoughts. Taking up space means choosing what that is. Don’t let the overabundance of messages and images of the ‘correct way’ to live be a blueprint. We decide.
– Chenae ♥
What I’ve Read:
Why undercover police in bars or clubs will not help women.
Powerful award show performances are exploitation and should be stopped.
The Internet’s Memory of Breonna Taylor.
“Having a morally good true self isn’t dependent on how you act.”
This essay by Panashe Chigumadzi is a mastery of archive and analysis of history on anti-Blackness.
| What I’ve Binged: Show U Off – Brent Fiayaz. New Sonder Son always gets a cry and steady replay. |
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