I returned to Bermuda near the end of 2017. I gave myself a deadline of 6 months to a year, and after passing the halfway point, I decided on the latter. As I type this, I’m surprised that I made it for so long. The plan was always that this move isn’t permanent but a necessary transition. However, some people have told me otherwise. “You’re back for good,” they say and instantly annoy me. Their words do not come at random but after a conversation about why I’ve returned home and how long I intend to be here.
It’s almost if they do not believe me, or worse don’t believe in me.
I’m working on not letting the things people say affect my mood. After all, their opinions are a direct effect from their thinking which has nothing to do with me. Constant self-work, checking in with my emotions and learning myself is how I’ve been able to counteract the small minded comments people say to me. But I can’t help but feel upset and disappointed when hearing the same tired line, especially when it comes from friends or family. Others can think whatever they want, I have no control over someone’s perception but to hear it to my face carries a different impact.
Recently I had a conversation with someone on the view of being stuck in Bermuda. When I decided to move back a couple of people close to me warned me not to get stuck here. It happens. I’ve seen Bermudians who lived abroad then they come back and don’t leave. Either they get comfortable with job security, higher wages, being close to family, or unforeseen circumstances. Some have a change of heart. Their plan for living abroad diminishes. This shift in desire is normal because we are all figuring it out, goals will change. Life is a freestyle of trial and error, sometimes things work out, and sometimes they do not.
Others have gone to university then came back and found a job in their field. Living abroad was a never a goal of theirs. Beginning their career and advancing, buying a house, starting a family is all aspects of their life they’ve envisioned to happen in place they’re from. They are not stuck or settling because their life is going as planned. They are happy. A lot of my friends are these people. They are all smart and focused women who have great jobs and are ready for the next chapter. Nothing is missing because they’re progressing to their wishes.
Where you feel the happiest is where you should be.
Some people would move and live elsewhere if they could but their circumstances prevent them, and they accept that. Many are given an unbelievable lousy hand in life, and they have to play with what’s dealt. While I believe that conditon does not define us and that ultimately our mindset, choices, and efforts can get you to a place of achievement, many people in this world live very unpleasant lives. Their only goal is to survive. Yes, some of the most successful people have come from extreme hardships; however, not everyone can live the life they want. This world and the systems built in it are not meant for everyone to “make it.” It isn’t settling. It’s is getting to the next day alive. It’s a hard truth.
When I became interested in journalism in high school, I knew from then that I wanted to pursue my career outside of Bermuda. I love my island home, but certain opportunities are limited. When you have specific goals and benchmarks for your life, you’ve got to go after them especially when the moment presents itself. I can say now that the years I’ve spent in London after university has helped me to know useful aspects about the creative & media industry, things that I wouldn’t be aware of if I came to Bermuda after graduating University. The opportunities presented, connections made, lessons learned are offered on a much larger scale when in a big city. Where I’ve seen myself as a writer since years ago and where I see myself going cannot be reached in Bermuda, at least not right now, and I don’t want it to be.
It’s not just about my career but also the kind of life I’m accustomed. I love the city life, the fast pace, the anonymity, the cultural variance, the random yet interesting strangers you meet. I’m filled with a rush of being able to get up and go anywhere. There is diversity in people, food, shopping, and the things to do are endless. There is always a different and off the wall event, pop up restaurant, market, or new exhibition to attend. Having the ability to explore as much as my heart desires will never get old.
Myself and those who know me say “stuck” because they and I know what I want.
I’ve purposefully refused to invest in certain things while here because doing so would only delay my next move or possibly halt it. 2018 has been the fastest year of my life. A part of me feels like I’ve lost time and the other is thankful for the moments. My life isn’t in Bermuda. It’s in London – at least for the current stage I’m in. Although I started to become weary with the city the year leading up to my departure, I’m ready to return. Will I ever want to live in Bermuda? I don’t know the answer to that yet. Will I try living in another city? That’s also on my mind. I’m going back to London early next year, so I’ll go from there.
For anyone who is unsatisfied with their present position and thinking about living abroad, evaluate your circumstances and if you can, leap. There is so much of the world to see and experience. Never let the safety net that is home stop you from going after what you wish and where you want to be.
-C