Here’s to the Sad Songs

It was a grey Sunday afternoon when I decided to listen to Bibi Bourelly’s live studio EP Boy.

There was no sun in the sky so I didn’t bother trying to let any light in my flat, as it would have been fruitless. With a dark house and a bottle of Malbec close it seemed like a perfect day for sipping slow and zoning solo dolo to sad songs. This is the lonely girl’s version of turning up.

I press play and Sunshine starts. An electronic guitar comes in slow followed by Bibi’s husky murmor. She sings “ I’d rather fall asleep in my apartment, chug all my wine, shut all the blinds.” I laughed at the irony. A similar escapism she sings of was one I sought that day. Bibi sings about a dark point in her life and is rather cutthroat. The line “I’ll rather sip to I die” is powerful. It is heavy as much as it is concerning and yet oddly relatable for many.

Still sipping I kept “Sunshine” on repeat until I lost count.

I’ve been listening to Bibi for over a year now and have since come to admire her songwriting. She is expressive and unfiltered. She writes in a way that leaves nothing to doubt with blunt lyrics that are sung as if she’s near the edge of losing it. She may have become noticed for writing “BBHMM” for Rihanna a couple years ago, but is surely becoming known for being very open in her music. It’s funny that particular song is one of my least favorites from Rihanna yet when I read a then 20 year old wrote the song I wanted to know who she was.  “BBHMM” is not Bibi’s best work and although it’s what essentially put her on she has much more depth to be recognized for. After discovering she also wrote “Higher,” one of my favorite tracks from Rih’s Anti album I was convinced Bibi had some intensity up her sleeve – I was right.

Some of my top picks from her are “Untitled,” “Perfect,” “What If,” and “Poet.”

There is something about hearing music live that causes a different effect then once heard on regular audio. You not only hear, but you see and feel the artist on an intimate level. A stripped down set like Bibi’s adds a distinctive gravelly texture. Her version of authenticity is crushingly candid.

As I continued listening I thought about how I listen to a lot as I like to categorize it “sad songs.” Songs of heartbreak, loss, disappointment, self-doubt, regret. Dark songs that confront aspects of love not just in a romantic sense and can be overwhelming in their effect. My Souncloud listening history is full of these songs. My go-to playlists on Spotify are titled “Lonely Hour” or something similar.

I then thought why do I like these songs so much? Obviously on a day like that one I started to feel exactly like the music I was listening to. The experience wasn’t pleasurable and only deepened my feelings of sadness that led me to listen in the first place. Some days I just want to wallow in my sorrow, and the music amplifies that. I think a lot of people can relate to this. Call it what you want- feeling sorry for myself, a self-pity party, but sometimes those days are needed. You sulk, you cry, you experience this overpowering of emotion that exposes why you feel this way. Then you think, you pray, or meditate and know that these feelings are temporary because they are. Never let these feelings go past a day that’s when it becomes unhealthy and leads to depression.

Days like this reveal aspects of me to myself.  In the beginning of “Sunshine” Bibi speaks how it is crazy how something so dark in your life can turn into something beautiful. This is why enjoy sad music so much. It spurs contemplation that is often therapeutic. Oddly it triggers some of my happiest memories with people I love. What brings a tear to my eye at the same time puts a smile on my face. I also always want to be moved by the music I listen to and sad songs obviously offer the strongest effect. Yes sometimes I feel despondent emotions but I’m also I’m touched by an artist’s words. I feel for them, I empathize. When there is no holding back and they reach a place of vulnerability they create some of the most stunning music ever heard. It’s hard to describe because we’re all moved differently.

This corny Rita Ora song used to play at my old job all the time. She sings, “I don’t want to hear sad songs any more I want to hear love songs.” I laughed when I first heard it and thought maybe this is telling me to slow down on my sad girl sessions. I could never act on this notion. It’s ironic that one goal in life is to be happy and I crave music that has the power to make me feel the opposite yet my need to be aborsbed in a somber musical journey is almost always just what I need.

-C

All I’ve ever heard are love songs