For Jenae

Last year my sister went through the worst thing in her life to date. I won’t go into detail but seeing her in so much pain was devastating.

Jenae and I are twins yet do not have that “twin connection.” All of our friends will say we are very different from one another. They have their own personal relationships with us and will tell you we aren’t what you’d expect twin sisters to be.

Growing up we encountered the same things all siblings do. I don’t think there was much difference because we are twins. When she got in trouble or got licks and cried, I cried. When she did something bad and wanted me to keep it a secret, my lips were sealed. We had each other’s backs like most siblings do. We argued A LOT, still do to this day. Although we weren’t the typical twin sisters for definitions sake, she is obviously my best friend.

If you do not know me well, then you wouldn’t know that I’m not overly expressive. Neither is my sister. Neither is my mother. We both take after her in that sense. My dad- although he acts tough (least he did with any boy trying to call my house when I was a teenager) is the softy of the Rodrigues clan. So we aren’t “mushy,” we do not hug a lot, or even say “I love you” all the time.  To an outsider it would seem like we are cold but we aren’t. There is an unspoken love in our house that is loud and clear. This love shows its face in the toughest of times.

So back to Jenae.

Because of our relationship dynamic I did not know how to deal with the emotions I was feeling for her. I didn’t even know what to say, or how to comfort her. I remember one night she and I went for drinks and I thought this would be a good time for the one on one conversation I wanted to have. But I froze. Then after arriving home just as we were about to get out the car I had to tell to her how I felt.  I said, “I know I haven’t said much these couple of days but I want you to know when you hurt I hurt too.”  Then I just broke down in tears.

She promptly replied, “I know Chenae, I know.”

Nothing else was said, and we both went into the house. It was weird that my sister who was in a state of mourning calmed me in that moment. I was relieved to know that she understood. That’s what I mean about that implicit love in my family.

Without me having to say it, my sister knows I would do anything for her. She knows I wish for her to find a calmness that will birth a reawakened strength in her. Despite our petty arguments Jenae knows I am always here to talk to. She knows I’m growing along with her. Most of all, she knows me.

Maybe that is our twin connection- we just know.

-C