Let’s call this an Intro

Hi there, it has been a while. 

I say ‘a while’ because if I detail how long it’s been, self-doubt and disappointment will set in, and I’ll probably walk away. 

Here I am.

Here, staring at this google doc.

Here, making sense of my thoughts. 

Here, writing.

Welcome to Here, or close enough. A weekly(ish) newsletter I have started for several reasons. One, I’m writing again, and more. I have a winding relationship when it comes to writing. It’s a mix of my insecurities and admittedly lack of drive. When I first began to take this seriously, I was at it all the time. Losses and hesitation would cripple me to the point of going long periods of not writing at all. It’s a dangerous cycle I recognise and promise to release. Two, everyone and their aunty are writing newsletters (I’m reading a lot of them), so I’m hopping on the bandwagon. More importantly, I’m updating my website soon to be more of a professional portfolio than a blog, and a newsletter will serve as a better place to write openly. Three, why the hell not. 

This newsletter is my vow to explore topics with a personal focus by using my perspective on digital culture, consumerism, music, race and gender, mental health, singleness, and more. I will write about the odd thoughts that pop into my mind, the things that I may only find interesting or “content worthy.” I will publish essays, criticism, short musings (I love that word), and down the line curate news & interviews. I don’t want to shy away from complex issues or feelings; we are grown here. 

This collection of writing will log the period of my life where I feel is my flop era. My family laughs at me when I detail just what that is. I’m not a pop-star, but I am in a dreary period most of the greats experience. In limbo, stagnant. The time of knowing my power and what I want to do but unsure if it’s enough. The kicker is, I brought myself to this point. I left my job, left the city I’d lived in for most of my adult life to be unemployed and back living with my parents. The coronavirus pandemic forced my hand, yet it was my decision – I’ll talk about the flop that was 2020 next week. 

Maybe I’m overdramatic or negative because I have not reached my peak yet and may not ever have it all. I’m conditioned to try to attain the latter, but what does it even mean? I will be 30 in five months and am literally entering a new era of life, a new decade. It’s exciting but daunting at the same time. The overthinker in me is up all hours of the night, evaluating where my life is right now, where it should be, or where I want to go. The positive me knows as everything in life that this time is only temporary. If it’s anything I’ve learned from my 20’s is that I’m resilient. What’s on the other side will be brighter by doing the work and leaning into my capabilities.

I got people to provide for, promises I’ve made, and goals to meet.

If you’ve enjoyed reading my blog or anything I’ve written, then my newsletters will be a plus to your week. It has been a while, and truthfully I’m scared I’ll lose sight again. To my friends who I’ve brazenly subscribed already, thanks for being a real one. If you are new, you’ve made it this far, stick around & subscribe. 

Thank you for being here. 

Chenae