It’s been a test to be absolutely comfortable with being alone. I thought I had mastered it yet this past month I’ve been very lonely. The feeling creeped up on me when I thought I was getting to a happier me. I’m naturally a loner and love being in my own space. Whether it’s staying in my bedroom for hours, going to the cinema, an art exhibition or out to eat, or for a walk- I don’t mind doing things by myself and prefer it most times. But the changes I’ve experienced in my life this year has made me feel more alone than ever.
One change I’m still adjusting to is living on my own. My best friend and I have lived together for almost 2 years and not having her here is strange. She’ll be back in a couple months but not feeling her uplifting spirit, hearing her wuk out in her bedroom, chilling in the living room together, or having her tell me wash my dishes has given this place an unfamiliar silence. Life and the changes that roll with it has been a hard pill for me to swallow in 2017 (and for those whom I hold close). However my heart wasn’t as weighed down because my best friend was in the next room. It’s amazing just what the presence of someone can do for the soul.
No best friend to come home to.
No missed FaceTime calls from my family.
No messages from the person I love.
No one.
A quiet house, quiet life and an overthinking mind put in a place that was unhealthy and detrimental to my growth. This week after a lot of meditation I vowed to honor this space I’m in and started to feel more inspired with my journey. While I’m lonely if I truly show up for myself something beautiful can come from this time. Cherishing my loneliness can spring creativity and a drive in my work. I’m looking forward to see what transpires as I not only trust but use this process to by my best self and perfect my craft.
A lot of artists’ best work came from loneliness and pain. Using what they’ve been or going through to create music, poetry, or paintings produces some of the most touching forms of art. Some of my favorite rap songs happened because a rapper felt like the weight of the world is on his shoulders and he has no one to turn to. We wouldn’t have a lot of bold and brazen moments if rappers weren’t trying to navigate this emotional haze of alienation. The music by some of the cultures most noticeable artists have opened up comprehensive conversations about lonesomeness, drug use, and mental health. It’s the same with writers. There would not be timeless writings from a lot of famous writers if they never were in the dark place of seclusion. Their aloneness or isolation turned into a creative loneliness.
Art incites thought that is vital to its potential to enlighten or to move people. The normal feelings of unworthiness, of fear, of not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, of isolation are strong emotions that when dealt with directly can cultivate a sort of confidence in ourselves to be able to create our own masterpieces.
The more I focus on my self-care in this loneliness the more I see the source is from within. That is powerful.
A quote to live by: “You are not lonely, you are healing and healing takes learning, all by yourself”- Alex Elle.
A song to encourage: [soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/20879281″ params=”auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true” width=”100%” height=”200″ iframe=”true” /]
-C
1 Comment
I really enjoyed this read, every word I felt I could relate to especially being a musician and artist! I implore you to stay the course, truly want you to be encouraged I’m enjoying your work.